


The periphery of a thread and needle

by w6rship



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, Eating Disorders, Gaslighting, Hurt No Comfort, Mind Manipulation, Nen (Hunter X Hunter), Other, Self-Harm, except killua alluka and kalluto, fuck the zoldycks, i literally hate all the zoldycks, self projecting haha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:28:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27201808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w6rship/pseuds/w6rship
Summary: i had to google the word periphery.some zoldyck-typical abuse and self projections because i do not feel. or anything positive, at the moment. i’m writing this on a whim.DESC. :Even when the sun shone directly over the fine-bricked house, the monsters in the shadows overpowered everything
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 2
Kudos: 59





	The periphery of a thread and needle

**Author's Note:**

> Content/Trigger Warnings:  
> Emotional manipulation  
> mental manipulation  
> child abuse  
> eating disorders  
> self-harm  
> minor god-complexes  
> manic? episodes  
> un-lgbt friendly slurs (that i can reclaim)  
> narcissistic tendencies

Silva Zoldyck is a large and buff man, with eyes of steel and hair as pure white as the snow that fell onto Kukuroo Mountain in the winter time. He would grunt and bark orders, he would slice and cut targets, he could train and discipline his successors. He had a terrifying Nen ability named Explosive Orbs that was capable of killing other skilled Nen users on impact. He was a scary man that you would not want to cross. He was a genius assassin and one of his goals in life were to train his children to also make them prime examples of the optimum killer. A dangerously smart man. 

That was how Illumi would describe his father. Since birth he was trained ruthlessly from this man, and his Mother ; Kikyou.

He would say she is an emotional women, with her face covered in grainy bandages and laser eye-wear. Intimidating, she seemed. She was controlling, to. Wailed and screamed and cried and yelled, worrying over her children then chewing their ears off the next moment. Obsessive. Her Nen type was a manipulator, something she was good at, he supposed. 

He did not despise any of them. They were his parents and he was taught that to be the perfect assassin he had to face many hard things that will be easy once he is properly trained. And if he didn’t endure something, they would make him endure it 100 times over, they did it for him, they claimed. For his prosperity and success. He questioned it sometimes, but decided not because he felt bad for doing so. They were doing this for him-- for the family. 

Kil would be the successor of the Zoldycks, that was made very clear since the birth of the boy. And Illumi and Milluki’s jobs were to aid in the training of the heir. That was their main job during Killua’s youth. They were told to inflict pain on the boy, to make him a better assassin. The two older brothers had both had gone through the same thing, so their parents had thought suitable for them to shape the boy as the model siblings. 

Illumi lived to please his parents, so if hurting Kil would benefit them— the family— he’d do it. For Kil. that’s what they told him, they wouldn’t lie to him. He’s doing this for Kil, he’s a good brother. For Killua. This is for Killua. 

But he felt something. A small creeping feeling in the back of his head, a small creeping feeling that some days enflamed his entire being and amplified in all his pores that was so overwhelming that only the sharp cool metal of a swift blade could quench this feeling. This awful feeling. 

He loved his parents. They did a lot to benefit him and in return he would follow their orders, and will do the same for Kil, to benefit Killua as the Zoldyck heir. But sometimes he felt sick. Sometimes he got sick of it. Got sick of the poison in his breakfast that he would force himself to puke it up not even an hour earlier. Sometimes he got sick of it, but that wouldn’t do. He was a Zoldyck. Zoldycks do not get sick, he told himself. 

Back to work. Back to killing targets. Back to work. Work, work, work. Back to work. 

Kikyou had been seated at the dinner table, Kalluto at her right, and Illumi ‘n’ Milluki on her left. Zeno and Silva did not attend dinner, they were far to busy. Working, she’d tell them. Because being a Zoldyck meant working hard. As Milluki grabbed for a chicken leg, she would slap his hand away and scold him, “Wait for your Brother’s to grab something, with how much you eat there won’t be any left by the end of dinner!” And he would let his hand drop, slumping down in his seat, and wait patiently for his mother and brothers to finish their first piece before even thinking about touching a leg. A butler had arrived at the table, bowing upon arrival, she had alerted that ‘Master Illumi had a letter.’ Kikyou had frowned, roughly stabbing at the chicken leg. She had ordered the butler to read it aloud, and Illumi had nodded, because his mother wanted something done then it’d be done. The Butler had faltered, then hastily ripped it open. She began to read the first lines, ‘My dearest Husband,’ and Kikyou had stood up from her seat, laser flashing rapidly. “Who the hell is this letter from?!” She had demanded to know, and Illumi had paled. He tried to stop the butler, but the words were already spewing. The letter was from a well known magician, Hisoka Morrow. Kikyou had snarled and sent the butler away, slamming her hands down in a fit of rage. “Illumi i thought i had raised you better! A ZOLDYCK! YOU ARE A ZOLDYCK! Disgracing this family name with all we have done for you?! A faggot! I should’ve known, we should’ve trained you better! But don’t you worry my boy, you’ll be training more right this instant!” And the man had paled again, trying to back away from the table. Kalluto had sat and watched in minor-shock, this was a common occurrence but Illumi rarely messed up. He did not know what his Aniki had done, but it made mother very angry. Milluki had slinked away as Kikyou began to loose it, locking himself in his room. 

Kalluto stayed seated at the table, alone, eating the now cold chicken. 

Illumi sat in his room, staring at the mirror for god knows how long. The shadows made shapes and morphed into faces the longer he stared. He vision tinted as he did not break eye contact with himself, eyes unfocusing. He felt like he was getting taller, bigger. A small creepy smile placed itself on his lips. Something in the corner of the room moved, and suddenly Hisoka was behind him. Illumi giggled near-silently, placing a hand on his chest. Hisoka had a smirk on his face. Illumi laughed again, this time doubling over. Because it was so ironic, so, so, ironic. He laughed and laughed, and Hisoka watched on. He didn’t ask if the Zoldyck was ok, he did not care that much to ask. Illumi continued to laugh until he couldn’t breathe, face flushed from the lack of oxygen. He sounded like a strangled animal. He felt elated.   
  


Less then half a dozen minutes later, the feeling wore off and he sat on the cold floor of his bedroom with the jester staring down at him with an amused expression. Hisoka made no move to help, only dropping to the floor with Illumi. 

He looked up at Hisoka, expression devoid of emotion except some unadulterated fury. Fresh, intense, and blinding. The clown licked his lips, sighing in pleasure as Illumi grabbed his throat and _squeezed_.   
  


He wondered why Killua wouldn’t come home. He did not understand. He did everything for Kil, why didn’t he love him? He was his older brother, shouldn’t Killua love him? He was so confused. He trained Killua just as his mother, father, and grandparents had trained him— for his benefit. He had trained Killua for Killua’s own benifet. Didnt he? He tried to force Killua home, but because of that wretched little boy...

he tried to kill the boy, to. But that just made Killua mad. He did not understand at all. What did he do wrong? Killua didn’t need friends, he had his family. And, it was in Killua’s blood to betray anyone that isn’t family. He simply couldn’t be trusted to have friends. But again, it’s not like he needed them. 

Then he thought of Hisoka. Hisoka was not his friend. He would eventually kill hisoka...right? Hisoka wasn’t a friend. They had an engagement that Illumi would kill Hisoka eventually. He frowned. It hurt his head to think about it to much. 

He tried, but was anybody ever even proud of him? Mother? Father? Killua? Anybody? Was his efforts futile? He didn’t understand, he did everything they asked. 

Yet nobody cared. 

The blade was in his hands again, and he stared at his reflection in it. Hisoka was behind him once more, wrapping his arms around Illumi’s. He grabbed the knife from the Zoldyck with a smirk, and threw it into a wall. 

It hit the wood with a strong thud. 

Illumi also fell with a thud, slumping down as exhaustion finally hit. He was tired, very tired. But he was a Zoldyck to. He shouldn’t feel that way, but he did. 

He felt sick and dizzy. Hisoka sighed, crouching down and brushing hair from his face. “My, my, Illu. You’ve really let yourself go~” 

He kissed the assassin’s eyelids, and Illumi leaned onto his side, screwing his eyes closed.

_Let myself go, huh?_

Nobody cared tho. Maybe except that damn clown. Oh well.   
  


He let himself sleep. 


End file.
